Having found out about your spouse's affair, you are now completely caught up in a web of hurt, emotional pain and embarrassment from having been cheated upon, and lied to for however long the affair endured. But the simple fact is that after having the wool pulled over your eyes for so long, after discovering that your spouse was with another person doing the things that he or she should have been doing with you, you may still choose to try and rebuild your marriage after the affair.
You may not be willing to give up on what you have spent so many years building in the first place.
But the extremely difficult task of rebuilding your marriage, fixing the leaks and plugging the holes will not be without understanding, hurt, and pain.
There are going to be times when you want to know why it has to hurt as much as it does, and it will probably leave you wondering whether or not your choice to rebuild your marriage is worth all of the pain that you are suffering. Only time can tell whether or not any action is / or was worth the effort that was put into it. Pain is a very real feeling and also an all important phase of any healing process. The pain your spouse has inflicted upon you by having an affair is going to hurt badly and this pain is not going to go away by itself.
Understand that both the victim of the affair (the cheated) and the cheater both need to drag all these painful memories and truths out into the open and face them before ever being able to rebuild a marriage.
If there is any love left, the likelihood of being able to re-commit to each other and give your marriage a second chance is high. If both parties are willing to rebuild, the pain will simply become temporary while you work out all the things that need working out and re-establish the honesty and transparency needed to redevelop a new level of trust. In time the affair will become a memory!
Searching for and understanding the problems that cause spouses to stray and cheat is the only way to really prevent them from re-offending in the future. It is not easy to know how to find out what the problems are, though.
What is the alternative? Here are some:-
a) Give up on your marriage altogether!
b) Try to sort it out by yourselves!
c) Find the after the affair help, advice and tips that you need to zero in on the root problems that created this ever so painful road block in your life that is infidelity, eliminate the problems and enjoy a better marriage than you could have ever thought possible.