After the Affair – The Cheater's Roadblocks to Feeling Guilt

Your cheating spouse's failure to show any outward signs of true guilt or remorse after the affair can stand in the way of you moving forward with healing yourself and your relationship. You have certain expectations of how your partner should act after being caught cheating. But so far all he seems to want to do is to forget that the affair ever happened and he wants you to do the same. But how can you, when your whole life has been turned upside down by it?

Why your cheating spouse may not be feeling guilt

While it may seem to you that your spouse is going about his daily affairs as if nothing happened, in reality he or she may be may be suffering greatly on the inside, or they may be in a state of denial regarding their actions. Also, you should be aware that there might be potential roadblocks standing in the way of your spouse not seeming to display true guilt and remorse over the affair.

The cheater has no clear understanding of what constitutes marital unfaithfulness

Oftentimes, especially in the case of emotional affairs, the cheater feels that they did not commit infidelity because they did not physically touch the other person. However, the cheater put in a lot of energy into this extra marital relationship – energy that should have been spent on your marriage. In addition, he also went to great lengths to hide the relationship from you by involving in clandestine behavior, lying and being deceitful, and since this behavior could not comfortably be shared with you, then it is definitely cheating.

The cheater refuses to accept that what he did was wrong

Deep down inside, the cheater may know that his actions were wrong but manages to rationalize his actions based on, for instance, that the affair did not involve any physical contact.

The cheater has to accept responsibility for his actions. Until he accepts that what he engaged in was deliberate, and conscious wrong-doing, he will not be able to move forward and deal with the guilt after the affair.

The cheating spouse blocks out the guilt after the affair

For most people, it can be difficult to accept the fact that they have done something wrong. It's no surprise therefore that your spouse may be blocking out the guilt and related emotions because it is too painful to feel them, and this is probably why you are thinking that he is not being sufficiently remorseful over the affair. When in reality, he or she may be having a difficult time dealing with the guilty feelings and seeing the pain and suffering his actions have caused you.

After the affair, if you feel that your spouse is not displaying any guilt or remorse, you may want to see if any of the above mentioned roadblocks are standing in his way. As you try to move forward beyond the affair and heal your relationship, you have to work on your own emotions and thoughts and likewise your spouse as well.